Forgive Me A

I don’t know why but I have this little, well not so little but a bugging sort of attitude of disliking people due to unreasonable reasons. I just hate a particular person because that person deserves to be hated. It’s very hard to get rid of this revolting feeling. Why do I need to hate someone who is the same religion as I am? Why do I have to hate someone who prays five times a day and recites the holy quran daily? Why? Everytime I walk or meet A, there’ll be an iota ink of hatred, exudes from my glands. Should I say she does wrongs, she is not a very bad girl from the very first sight.

I always keep this question. I have no right to judge or assume someone as bad or disgusting because I am no one but just a slave -- Allah’s slave. Allah created A. Allah created me. Allah sends me gifts and never ignores my prayer. Who am I to dislike His creation? Why do I always listen to Satan’s whispers and its slanders? Why? Why does my iman (faith) is so weak? It is so thin like the thin ice of the freezing lake during winter that’ll crack and topple anyone who steps on it. Why? I still am rebuking myself for being impertinent, selfish and ungrateful.

I hate A ever since the first time I got to know her during our early secondary school. I hardly tried to listen to her or even wondering why she acted in such way that really made me sick whenever she’s nearby me. I think it was a mixed feeling of jealousy and hatred that really had driven me mad. I didn’t understand why she needs to appoint herself as the centre of everyone’s attention. If yes she did everything purposely; thus, I assume maybe I am not 100% guilty of hating her. If no, then I should apologise to her – though I’ve apologised to her so many a times.

My hatred was rebuilt when i noticed the guy who I had a crush on, took interest of her – the girl who I still can’t comprehend how she could produce the consistency of bringing annoyance to my entire body. I was utterly vexed and pestered when the guy kept asking for her. She for great amazement had already known that I had done so many things and endured troubles just to meet the guy and even head over heels in love with that guy. Boy, luck and love never side me. I really cry and worst of all, I broke into deluge of wailing.

Ya Rabb, what’s happening to me? Why am I so weak? I think I owe a great thank you to my friend who constantly tells me about Prophet Muhammad and his awe-inspiring companions. Earlier this morning, she told me about Salman Al-Farisi. He’s a great man who had helped the Muslims to win the Khandak Battle by bringing up great strategies and ideas in order to defend the Muslims against the numerous battalions of the non-believers.

Salman was in love with a girl and he decided to ask for her hand in marriage. He appointed one of his close friends to act as a representative to seek for the girl and presented her with the dowry. Sadly, she chose Salman’s representative instead of Salman. When Salman heard the bad news, he did an unexpected thing. He allowed both of them to get married and he even gave away the dowry to the representative as a gift for his wedding. If I was in his place and the representative is A, I must say, I would in the first place stab and hit a brick on her face. Or even mutilate one of her most vital organs.

Salman’s friendship was so strong that it overcame hatred. He was forced to swallow a bitter pill but he chose to give honey to his enemy. How can I become as strong as he is?

“O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! Some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful. (12)” (Al-Hujuraat)

I don’t want to eat A’s flesh. NO!!!!!