Being Proactive vs. Reactive

“How do I study the Universal Grammar? No one wants to help me.”

“I don’t have any idea how to make an apple strudel.”

Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them.

We’ve all been there and we’ve all done it.

We are all guilty of being reactive from time to time, often without even knowing. For most people it’s the default program. “I know I’m guilty”.

But whether we realise it or not, we choose to subordinate ourselves to those forces that are outside our sphere of influence. We choose to experience happiness, unhappiness, anger, frustration, boredom and elation. We choose to create the habits of wallowing in self-pity, shifting the blame, and feeling powerless.

If we can choose to be reactive and be controlled by external factors, we can also choose not to be.

Reactive people focus their efforts on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. They are the ones who love to point fingers and put blame on others. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization.

They often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and performance.

However, people who end up with good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.

When we are proactive, we only concern ourselves with things that are inside our sphere of influence, rather than worrying about things we can’t do anything about. We look towards what we are able to control and change, and this includes the way we react to any given situation.

We can’t always directly alter how someone else behaves or talks to us. We have no control over the weather. We don’t even have a say in how our favourite team will do on the weekend. But we can choose our thought processes and our responses.

Being proactive is not a case of being a robot and having no emotions. Rather, it’s being in complete control over your emotions. It’s making the transition – from other people and circumstances being in charge, to being in charge of yourself.

Thus, proactivity is, according to Stephen Covey in his book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, the foundation of all the other 6 Habits.

The difference between the reactive language and the proactive language

To see these two concepts from a metaphorical view, let’s take this “love” analogy as an example.

In all progressive society, love is a verb. reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally indoctrinated us to believe that we are not responsible, we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb. love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.  

I know it is so much easier to blame other people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible – “response-able”. So we need to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on “be”, on what we are.